Listen before I even dive in I want you to know that…
If you want kids; that’s normal
If you DO NOT want kids; that’s normal
I just want all women to be happy with the life that they have at this present moment. That’s my whole mission for you to feel whole regardless of your relationship status or your mom status. After all; thou shalt not covet…
I’m on the verge of 36, in fact I turn 36 this month (June) on the 29th and I will say I’ve never had anyone suggest this to me. However simply put, the older I get there is a sub culture of women who feel sorry for me and I’ll never understand why. I got this DM from a listener…
“Hello, I’m writing to you today as a stranger. Weird, huh. But I’ve been wanting to send this message to you for two years so it’s been a long time coming. Please know, I send this to you with the best of intentions, nothing is meant to harm or upset you in any way.
If you are remotely thinking that you may some day want biological children, I wanted to be sure to send this. If not, no worries. You can stop reading now.
When I was your age, I was just out of a 10 year relationship. I wouldn’t get married, I wouldn’t have children. I wanted children but not under this circumstances. When I was 35, I spoke with my ob/gyn about egg freezing. His response destroyed me for about 5 years. He was emphatic that I not freeze eggs and have a child immediately or I wouldn’t have a child in the future as the quality and amount of eggs a woman produces drops dramatically as we approach 40.
I really wish that I had insisted on the information, that I had seen another doctor. I didn’t. I’m writing to you as a fan of the show but also a woman who has been single. I was 42 when I had IVF and, in spite of only a 7% chance to carry, I gave birth to a healthy baby at 43. It wasn’t easy though. And I wish I had frozen eggs to use and have more children.
I understand that this text may feel extremely intrusive and I apologize if that’s how you feel after reading it. I just wish someone had sat me down and helped me figure out my options to have a family at a later date.
I just wanted to suggest that if bio kids are something you desire, now would be a good time to start planning for the future so you don’t encounter the stress and worry of someone older like myself.”
Now normally I would have gotten offended. Old Reka, before I did all this inner work and now operate from the seat of peace would have gone OFF… you hear me? Guns-A-BLAZING.
New Reka, I gave this woman grace. Do I think it’s odd that a stranger would be extremely intrusive? Yes. This is a conversation that you have with a close friend. What if I couldn’t have kids, period? Do you know what kind of trigger this would have been? What if this made me feel yet again “I’m not enough” “I’m not whole… because I still don’t have kids”. What if? Frankly, where in my show, where on IG, where in this blog, have I ever cried about not having kids? So why she felt that she JUST HAD TO tell me after waiting for TWO YEARS… is light years over my head.
Again I gave her grace and left it at; Thanks! But no, if I’m not married and kids by 40 I’m 100% ok with that. I’m fine with however God wants my life to go
Seriously let me ask you this; if you never have kids, if you never get married, are you willing to be miserable the rest of your life because that never happened? Thou shalt not covet…
“If you are depressed you are living in the past.
If you are anxious you are living in the future.
If you are at peace you are living in the present.”
– Lao Tzu
To me success is peace.
I remember going to college (HU!) and literally telling myself “I will not be the girl who has to call her Dad to tell him she’s pregnant” and I made that a priority of mine. Which obviously… goal met. Kids never were on the forefront for me. I’d only talk about kids if I were in a relationship. It’s not that I don’t want kids, I just won’t be having kids unless I’m married. This is not a knock on anyone who wants different or has done differently than I. I’m speaking my truth in hopes to uplift a woman who believes she is less than because she doesn’t have kids. I can only speak from the seat of my experiences and I know now that I was only dating or thinking I was ‘less than’ due to comments like the above. I never feel like it’s coming from the seat of ‘concern’ when a woman makes a comment to me like “why aren’t you married” “did you never want kids” “You’re not getting any younger”, non of this talk is productive so why have them? Especially with a stranger?
However the older me just feels sorry for her for asking because I now know she felt the NEED to have kids (or get married), it was a goal of hers and she’s projecting all of that on to me. I get to feel zero type of way about it because I choose to and I’m fully comfortable with my life and decisions.
My only prayer is that, that woman is happy.
I know I am.
Have you read this article about single women with no kids? If you’re single and don’t have kids, I bet it’ll give you a boost!
Do you hate when women ask you things like this? Do you think it was rude of her to send me that message? I’d really love to know on whatever platform you can contact me on; IG or Facebook or email [email protected] 😉
Watch: The Truth about being single!