First, allow me to answer the questions I was asked about how I maneuver through this time of year as a single woman.
How does being single during cuffing season really make me feel?
Free… fall and winter are obviously in the definition of “cuffing season”. Which of course equals the holidays. So, I feel free. I have no awkward moments of having to introduce someone new to my family whom I know I may not be within 6 months (Ie. last year). I mean is it rude to NOT invite this person over to Thanksgiving dinner or not? Who wants to go through that debate in their head. Eek.
I look around at all the people moving through life feeling like they have to do things for the people they are in a relationship with. I smile in knowing I won’t go into the new year in debt over presents my significant other (or kids) didn’t really want. There is no pressure for me to buy anything for anyone. So my gift-giving, if I decide to give is truly out of my wanting (which is from the heart). Best feeling ever!
How do you respond to the pressures of the season besides looking for a new partner?
I’m a goal-getter. I never wait until the ball drops to make my resolutions. I’m always asking myself every 3-6 months “where do I want to be” career-wise and also physically in the next 3-6 months. Which means I’m constantly growing and moving. This means when I get the dreaded “so why are you single” question(s) I can answer with “my husband will come when he comes, in the meantime I’m working on getting scholarships so I can go back to school”. They will then shift their questions to focus on what I’m doing instead of what I’m not doing (dating). They may also be able to help me with “said scholarship” which then that conversation turns into a networking opportunity for me. #Winning
Most of us are traveling to see our parents and the extended family during the holidays. Staying an extra few nights with family you don’t have to see every day.
Which is a breeding ground for questions and comments like “why are you single”, “are you still with so and so”, “You know you’re getting older”.
Which highlights the fact that you’re single. Being single during the holidays is the constant feeling of “I have nowhere to be”. Everyone else around you has kids to take care of and/or houses to go to with their husbands after all the eating and gathering is done.
The following are a few tips that I have for you to maneuver through the murky waters of family gatherings as a single woman.
- Plan a day to yourself or a few hours. For example, I’m the only one in my family that is a single woman and childless. So I went and saw ‘Queen and Slim’ on my own. So I could get away from the feeling of “I have nowhere to be”. I had somewhere to be… a showing at 710p on Thursday night.
- Have a goal for February (basically around the corner) that you can talk about. My example is bringing up going back to school, which always changes the subject. #winning
- If you can afford a trip …go. If your coins are low call a travel agent now and schedule a trip for next Thanksgiving/Christmas. If you have kids plan a night/weekend and find a babysitter. All that family gathered for the holidays and you have no one to watch the kid(s)? Example: I’m “coming home” Christmas (leaving the comfort of my own home– to travel 3 hours to be around family) but in the middle of my time off and family time, I’m going to phoenix. My vacation time isn’t just for spending time with family. My self-care consists of me time.
“There’s a wonderful old Italian joke about a poor man who goes to church every day and prays before the statue of a great saint, begging, “Dear saint-please, please, please…give me the grace to win the lottery.” This lament goes on for months. Finally, the exasperated statue comes to life, looks down at the begging man and says in weary disgust, “My son-please, please, please…buy a ticket.”
At the end of the day, you are allowed to decide what conversations you have. You are allowed to step away. You are allowed to put your foot down!
Cheers girl 🥂 and happy holidays!
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Ps. As described on urban dictionary: Cuffing season refers to a specific time of year when people become extremely motivated to get “coupled up.” It generally occurs from October to March. You know, the cooler months of the year
The Single Girls Life Coach
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