No.
That is a full sentence and I could end the blog here but you’d be like ‘REKA WTF’?
So, let’s start with you. If you’re here it’s probably because you have a hard time saying no. Begin with that and ask yourself, why can’t you say no? What are the feelings that you are feeling when a man asks you for your number and you know you want to say no but you don’t? What are the feelings that you’re feeling when you know you don’t want to go to that event but you say yes anyway? What are the feelings that you feel when you know you don’t want to run that errand for someone but you do it anyway?
If you’re like me, you say yes to things (or feel bad if you say no) because you want to come off as nice. I want to be nice to her, him, and them. I used to think if I didn’t answer this listener right away, respond to their message, or accept their invitation to hang out with them (stranger danger) then they wouldn’t listen to me anymore, and my ratings would go down.
Today, I no longer feel the way I mentioned above because of Oprah (of course). I’ll tell you what she said about the word ‘no’ in a few but, rest easy knowing that Oprah too had a hard time saying no JUST LIKE US! Look how normal we all are.
Anyway back to Momma O!
In her words…
I was saying yes so people wouldn’t be angry with me and so they would think I was a nice person.
On April 10, 1994, I wrote these words, which I keep on my desk: “Never again will I do anything for anyone that I do not feel directly from my heart. I will not attend a meeting, make a phone call, write a letter, sponsor or participate in any activity in which every fiber of my being does not resound yes. I will act with the intent to be true to myself.”
When I accepted that I was a decent, kind and giving person—whether I said yes or no—I no longer had anything to prove. I was once afraid of people saying, “Who does she think she is?” Now I have the courage to stand and say, “This is who I am.”
Oprah speaks for me and her words will become decor in my house very soon! Framed words of wisdom.
Once I read that, I felt empowered. I decided that I no longer wanted to say yes to things to which I REALLY wanted to say no. I decided that I didn’t want to feel bad about saying no. I made the decision and made up some rules for my life.
- I can say no. If I don’t feel an EXCITED yes in my gut, I’m not going or coming to whatever event someone wants me to attend. If they don’t like me, they just don’t like me. My life is up to God and I feel validated through him.
- As for men trying to holla at me via social media, I leave them on read 90% of the time. If they compliment me I will say “thanks” once and that’s it. If they keep coming back to just say “oh you’re beautiful” yadda, yadda, they will get blocked because–stalker vibes. Same goes for meeting dudes in real life–no bueno, boy! Dudes are on the shelf until 2075 for me for me anyway, I have an empire to build *teehee*
- As for my friends, I have REAL true friends. They know I’m building a business and they don’t mind that I’ve set boundaries around my life. Right now my life runs on a tight schedule, so I have to say ‘no’ to a lot of ‘let’s go grab lunch’, etc. I literally schedule my friends in right now. I know myself well enough to know that boundaries keep me sane.
Saying yes to too many things will give you anxiety especially when you know you have so much on your plate. So what are you saying yes to today that you NEED to say no to?
I’ll end with a conversation I was having with a friend of mine after she saw my ‘rules’ on how I handle men on social media;
Hannah: I just had a friend deal with a stranger danger issue with a man who interrupted her lunch. She ended up being polite and giving him her number but he kept calling and leaving super awkward messages and asking for photos. She sent him a lengthy message about why she wasn’t interested and how she thought he just wanted people to watch sports with, but wasn’t interested. I told her all he deserves is a “don’t contact me” text and a block.
[ “Women don’t owe you their time or their grace” ]
I have zero tolerance for it and no longer give explanations. No. Not interested.
Me: no is a full sentence
Hannah: Yup. Sure is. You should hear the voicemails from this man to my friend. He had all these theories about why she wasn’t available to talk when he wanted to talk. He called her a “textpert” because he called and she didn’t answer because she was working but she responded via text.
P.S. You do not owe a man ANYTHING just because he likes you or gave you some attention. You know when you’re not feeling a man, so say NO! Your time and energy are valuable and the more you say “no” the more time you have for things that are a resounding yes for you. The more you do this the easier it gets. So, the next time someone asks you to do something that you don’t want to do, what are you going to say? “No.”