“If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away. If he doesn’t want you, nothing can make him stay.” ― Oprah Winfrey
Oh, so he broke up with you and you want answers?
Simple answer: He didn’t want to be with you so there is your closure! End of story.
However, I know being a woman–heck a human–there are so many layers. Let’s address a few of them.
Your ego
You treated him so well and he just left you in the dust. He wasn’t good to you anyway, sis, but I know you’re thinking “WHAT?! YOU WOULD 1) break up with me? 2) Cheat on me? I’M AMAZING!” – it just boils your soul to think someone would treat YOU like dirt. Let me offer you this: It has NOTHING to do with YOU.
A man NOT wanting to be with YOU (me) usually has NOTHING to do with YOU. Unless you’re a drunk, drug addict, abusive, etc. his choice not to be with you is about him. With that said, YOU could have a trait they don’t like but not everyone is meant for YOU, and the universe doesn’t owe you someone’s commitment just because you want them and that’s OK.
Reality is, you’re not hard to love! Hard truth is, that man just wasn’t for you.
I’m sure there are things you need to work on (me included) but someone not being able to love you the way you need to be loved… 9/10 it’s not YOU. You want someone who really knows you and still chooses you. Frankly, that’s the ONLY type of love that should inspire you to give up your singleness.
Your feelings
I saw this tweet from a girl I follow on twitter:
“Please stop sending men long paragraphs after they hurt you. They don’t care and nothing you say will guilt trip them into caring. Take your dignity and go.”
Girl, you should have seen the thread of women making excuses about why they do that. This kind of behavior causes men to say (and believe) we’re crazy (see also, slashing tires) and this is what they will use as an excuse to say “yep that’s why I didn’t want to be with her, she was crazy.” Why give him that satisfaction?
You: But I just want him to know how he hurt me.
Baby girl, he absolutely knows. He knew when he did it and he knows now; he just doesn’t care. Please don’t message them. k (via twitter)
You: But how can I get closure?
The closure should be in him WALKING AWAY from YOU. He literally doesn’t want YOU nor cares that he hurt YOU. That is closure but EGO keeps you wondering “how can someone do this to ME?” and your FEELINGS make you lash out at him, but trust me it falls on deaf ears! LOGIC should tell you ‘there is something deeply wrong with this man’. We all got issues we’re working on and for a lot of men they are taking it out on us, sis!
This Atlanta ex broke up with me right around my birthday while I was visiting him. Immediately after he broke up with me, I changed my flight to leave the very next day. I grabbed all my things (in the midst of tears) and ran into the airport. When I got to my gate I sent him a text, apologizing for not giving him a hug or saying goodbye. I probably went into how much he hurt me too. I was with that abusive ex for TWO years. This man was abusive toward me and I FELT BAD?! TF. After reflecting on that experience and remembering how I felt when the apology never came, I decided to NEVER lose my dignity ‘fighting’ for a man again. I committed to NEVER allow a man to make feel bad for doing what’s best for me. I never got the apology I wanted and never will and sending a dissertation to the man who hurt you detailing that pain won’t work either! Ps. I’m happy I never gave him a hug, that was my goodbye and I’ve never seen him again *curtsy*
“Turn your wounds into wisdom.” ― Oprah Winfrey
This ex (Mystery Lance) broke up with me too, but THIS time I was able to just say “so when you leaving?”, since he was at my house. Outside of reminding him to cut the check every other week for the money he STILL owes me, I never sent him a dissertation text because this time I knew it wouldn’t matter. The situation and this break up had NOTHING TO DO WITH ME!
Note: In the heat of the moment while he’s breaking up with you, I wouldn’t fault you for letting him know how you felt and all the things he did wrong. Let him have it, get your feelings off your chest (just know it’s not gonna change anything). But after two days have passed and your anger has been simmering, please don’t send him the text. Let it go, girl. I know that shit is painful but let it go. Where your pain is caused won’t be where it is healed!
How can you handle that ego and your feelings?
- Get friends who will listen to you vent. If you don’t have friends, maybe that’s why you feel like you need to be in a relationship. Cultivate true friendships with WOMEN. I talk about thathere
- Take all those feeling and write them down in your journal; I did. Try to figure out the red flags. How can you dodge this type of relationship again?
- Got goals? If not, get some. What do you want out of life? Why are you dating? What type of relationship do you want? So many questions you can ask yourself instead of trying to figure out why that piece of crap left you…
Simple answer: he’s a piece of crap!
If you’ve been reading my blog for a while or have been following me on social media then you know my favorite quote:
“When people show you who they are believe them.” -Maya Angelou
She did not say, but also try to figure out why they are that way. She also didn’t say, cuss them out for being that way!
Lastly,
To be honest YOUR greatest love is YOU! Do you even know how you want to be loved? How can someone love you correctly if you don’t know how YOU want to be loved? Also, how are you at loving? Sometimes I think we can expect something that we don’t even know how to give or receive. Self awareness is your super power and can lead YOU to your greatness love!
Ps. ‘The 5 love languages’ is a great book to read even being single fyi! My love language is ‘acts of service’ (which is why I can’t date a broke man *teehee) and I speak on that here
I dare you to figure out your love language… and GO!
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